So I sit here quietly at my desk. My certificate of admission granting me access into one of the top MLIS degree programs in America at my side and I am quiet. I found out that I got in two days ago, when I got home at 1:30 am from the airport (after accompanying my husband on a business trip in the South West). And it hasn’t been till now that I’ve actually allowed myself to sit down and let it sink in. I haven’t checked the “yes, I will attend” box yet. It seems too magnificent a gesture to do just yet. Because by checking off that box will change my life.
There are definitely a few concerns to consider before checking yes. One is, where will I get the money? The program will take about three semesters to complete and will cost around twenty thousand dollars. Will I manage to get a few scholarships? or at least a loan? Will I be able to work while pursuing the degree? Do I continue to take Italian on the side? How will the workload of being a grad student affect my life and relationships? Is this degree worth twenty thousand dollars? How hard will life get until I get this degree? Can I be successful working as a librarian? And the worst question of all… what happens if I am unable to get a library job when I get out???
It might seem odd that after years of saying “I should have been a librarian” and after creating a blog, a tumblr, and a twitter account and after going through all the effort to apply to grad school that when I finally get accepted I am not outwardly bursting with joy; I am not screaming, jumping up and down. Instead I am quiet and calm. Instead I am pondering. You may wonder why the title to this post isn’t I GOT INTO LIBRARY SCHOOL!!!! Believe me there are rumblings inside of me that are screaming that, but I want to be honest. And as awesome that it is that I got into grad school it is a big decision to make and I want to make sure that I give it the complete attention it deserves. Because when I want something and when I decide to go for something, I am all in 110%. So I have to ask myself just a few more questions: Am I ready to fight the good fight? Am I ready to fight for what I want? Am I willing to fight for what I believe in? Am I willing to fight for the life I deserve? Am I willing and do I have the courage and do I want to be… A LIBRARIAN!
I have wanted this for a long time and various reasons have held me back, now I am the only person who can possibly hold me back. I think about the years that I have fantasized about being a librarian, I think about the moments I pretended I was already a librarian. I think about all the librarian job searches I have put into google. I think of the books, articles, and blogs I’ve read about librarians. I think of how I try to surround myself with all things library in the digital world. I look to my vision board and see pictures of books and librarians from movies. And then in the center of my vision board I see the best advice that one could ever bestow: FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
And my heart knows. My heart knows there is no other way. I must be a librarian.
Congratulations! I have just been accepted into Grad School!
Yes, I will attend!
I am now a Future Librarian!
