Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Calm and Quiet... Before the Storm (I’ve been accepted into an MLIS program)


So I sit here quietly at my desk.  My certificate of admission granting me access into one of the top MLIS degree programs in America at my side and I am quiet.  I found out that I got in two days ago, when I got home at 1:30 am from the airport (after accompanying my husband on a business trip in the South West).  And it hasn’t been till now that I’ve actually allowed myself to sit down and let it sink in.  I haven’t checked the “yes, I will attend” box yet.  It seems too magnificent a gesture to do just yet.  Because by checking off that box will change my life.
            There are definitely a few concerns to consider before checking yes.  One is, where will I get the money?  The program will take about three semesters to complete and will cost around twenty thousand dollars.  Will I manage to get a few scholarships? or at least a loan?  Will I be able to work while pursuing the degree?  Do I continue to take Italian on the side?  How will the workload of being a grad student affect my life and relationships?  Is this degree worth twenty thousand dollars?  How hard will life get until I get this degree?  Can I be successful working as a librarian?  And the worst question of all… what happens if I am unable to get a library job when I get out???
            It might seem odd that after years of saying “I should have been a librarian” and after creating a blog, a tumblr, and a twitter account and after going through all the effort to apply to grad school that when I finally get accepted I am not outwardly bursting with joy; I am not screaming, jumping up and down.  Instead I am quiet and calm.  Instead I am pondering.  You may wonder why the title to this post isn’t I GOT INTO LIBRARY SCHOOL!!!!  Believe me there are rumblings inside of me that are screaming that, but I want to be honest.  And as awesome that it is that I got into grad school it is a big decision to make and I want to make sure that I give it the complete attention it deserves.  Because when I want something and when I decide to go for something, I am all in 110%.  So I have to ask myself just a few more questions:  Am I ready to fight the good fight?  Am I ready to fight for what I want?  Am I willing to fight for what I believe in?  Am I willing to fight for the life I deserve?  Am I willing and do I have the courage and do I want to be… A LIBRARIAN!
            I have wanted this for a long time and various reasons have held me back, now I am the only person who can possibly hold me back.  I think about the years that I have fantasized about being a librarian, I think about the moments I pretended I was already a librarian.  I think about all the librarian job searches I have put into google.  I think of the books, articles, and blogs I’ve read about librarians.  I think of how I try to surround myself with all things library in the digital world.  I look to my vision board and see pictures of books and librarians from movies.  And then in the center of my vision board I see the best advice that one could ever bestow:  FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
            And my heart knows.  My heart knows there is no other way.  I must be a librarian.



Congratulations!  I have just been accepted into Grad School!
Yes, I will attend!
I am now a Future Librarian!

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