My Number 1 Life Lesson: Follow Your Heart and Everything Else Will Fall Into Place

            I had been feeling a little beat down by life this past summer.  I was supposed to have a baby and deliver this November.  I was supposed to start my Master of Library Science degree this fall.  Unfortunately, after dealing with two months of intense all-day pregnancy nausea and just crossing into the second trimester when the fear of losing your baby is supposed to have passed, I lost my child.  My child was diagnosed with a condition that is incompatible for life and for health reasons my pregnancy was terminated.  Before all this, when I was blissfully ignorant of my child’s condition but ill with nausea I decided to postpone my education till the fall of 2012.  I was just too sick and vapid to continue to fill out the proper documentation to continue with school this year.  In the end, I was left with no child and not even the event of starting school to look forward to.  A year that was supposed to be full of wonderful, exciting, and new experiences had in effect been taken away from me.  Instead loomed an empty year.  At least that’s sometimes how I viewed the situation

            And so I went grabbing for anything to fill this year up with.  I thought, “I’ll go back into teaching!  Why waste a year?  Why not make some extra money?”  Note that I wasn’t thinking anything close to having a passion for teaching children English.  I worked really hard at building my teaching resume back up.  I worked really hard at creating responses and essays for detailed applications for teaching jobs.  I got calls and I went on a few interviews.  And I did well at these interviews.  But it didn’t take me long to realize that, again, teaching just is not my passion.  I used to find it easier to ignore my passions in life but lately they will not be ignored.  If I so much as look in a direction different from my passion something inside me screams and rattles and makes me feel miserable until it gets me to recognize that I am looking in the wrong direction.  All of life around me seems to become dark and cold when I am looking away from my passions.  Life seems to close up and lock down when I am looking away from my passions.  Even though being a teacher would make life so much easier for me.  I already have the degree, the training, the experience, I can do the job and do it well, and it can bring in big money.  But something about it just isn’t right for me.  Even thinking of it in these beneficial terms brings a sour taste to my mouth.  Why?  Because I am not passionate about it.  It is not my calling.  It is a wonderful profession that I respect very much but it is just not my calling.

            And so on the way to my last teaching interview I finally gave myself permission to not be a teacher.  I finally gave myself permission to stop beating myself up over not wanting to continue teaching.  I did the interview because I felt it would be rude to cancel this late but I did not try to sell myself.  I was polite and answered the questions thoughtfully and truthfully.  And then that was it.  I was released back out into the world, but this time to follow my passions.  And the passion that my heat needle turns to like a compass, what I cannot ignore, what brings sunshine to my days and opens up the world to me, what is rainbows and candy and flowers to me, although it means more schooling, having to pay for schooling, and perhaps a hard time at finding a job, my passion is to become… a librarian.

            My number one lesson in life would be to follow your heart.  This is not an easy thing for all of us to do.  For one, sometimes it is hard to know what your heart wants.  Sometimes it is hard to hear the heart over the loudness of the brain, over logic, over society, over your upbringing.  And it is also hard to follow your heart when it leads you into a direction in which you are blind to the outcome.  It’s scary.  It takes courage.  But from what I know, if you don’t follow your heart your fate will be much worse than the discomfort of the unknown.  No happiness or true satisfaction can come of following a path that is not meant for you and you will know this path is not meant for you because it will not be your passion, it will not consume you with interest and intrigue.

            When you follow your heart life will open up to you and you will find peace, love, happiness, and satisfaction.  It cannot be said where exactly your heart will lead you but know that often it will lead you to a world of opportunities that are more perfect for you and better than you could have ever dreamed or imagined possible.  Just follow your heart.

            I am now determined more than ever to continue to follow my heart and stay on the path that leads me to realizing my dreams.  I was called by one of the schools I interviewed for.  It turned out they were really impressed by me and I was one of their top three candidates for the position of English teacher.  They wanted me for another interview.  Although flattering and never easy to turn down a good opportunity like that I stayed true to my heart and I politely declined the interview.  Amazingly around the same time (and after applying over and over again to every job opening) a library called me in for an interview!!!!  I am going in the right direction.  And with faith I believe I will become a librarian and even more importantly I will have the family that I have always dreamed of having.  I will follow my heart into the darkness for I know great things are to unfold.

~FindItGirl